One thing that I have been thinking about a lot lately is how Harmony sees me. Since I had the privilege of carrying her inside of me for 10 months, I already loved her the day we first met. She was the most beautiful and magical thing I have ever seen. Now, 8 weeks later, I am growing to love her more each day. The thing that I find strange is that I don't really know her. She is like a tiny little stranger living in my house that I am completely responsible for. I have no idea what type of person she will turn out to be or even really what kind of child she will be. She can't tell me what she likes and what she doesn't like or that she loves me. In fact, I don't think she does love me at all, she just knows I am the person that gives her food and is there to comfort her all day, every day.
When Chris comes home from work she is like a different baby. She is smiley, makes all sorts of cute noises, and just loves to interact with her daddy. When I am alone with her all day I have to try so hard to get her to smile. Chris tells me its probably because she is just used to having me around, like I'm not a new fun face for her because we spend so much time together. I think a lot of new moms experience that feeling that their baby doesn't like them. I know I get that feeling a lot!! But when she is distressed and she is crying her head off, I am the only one who can calm her down and that feels pretty damn good.
So, even though she doesn't know she loves me yet, I take solace in the fact that she does know she can trust me and her love will grow from there. Then, when the time is right, she will finally be able to tell me how much she loves me and all of this uncertainty and hard work will be so so worth it! I love this journey of motherhood already and I am so happy it is just beginning.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic...Did you every feel your baby didn't like you? Did you instantly feel a connection with your baby?
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