I am now almost 33 weeks pregnant and I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the ups and downs I have experienced so far.
Pregnancy has been the most intense experience I have ever been through in my life. It is not only physically tiring but emotionally as well. Of course, I knew going into this that it was going to be hard but I never knew/imagined it would be like this.
In the beginning, I was an emotional wreck. My hormones were uncontrollable and I was not the most pleasant person to be around. I was also extremely exhausted and was going to sleep every night at 7:30! The first ultrasound we went to where she actually looked like a tiny baby was so amazing. I couldn't stop myself from crying and getting emotional but, it still didn't really seem real to me. The first trimester was a blur and I went back and forth from being happy to actually second guessing our decision of having a child.
The second trimester was a lot different. I started to get my energy back and my hormones started to balance out a little more (thank heavens!). We found out we were having a little girl and then we were able to start calling her by her name: Harmony. That was about 14 weeks ago now but, it feels like eons ! Always talking about her, "When Harmony is here...." or "Harmony is going to love this..." etc.. the anticipation just grows and grows every day!
I started to notice that I was becoming more and more nurturing and maternal. When I started my journey I was just a 23 year old who fell in love and wanted to start a family but I still had the notion that I could party and hang with friends, still do what I wanted (to a certain extent!) As the months have gone by, I have given up most of my friends and all of my bad habits and I don't feel 23 anymore at all! At least, I don't relate to any 23 year old I know/knew.
My husband and I have grown so close that I couldn't imagine spending any time apart from him at all. He is now my best friend and the one I go to for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. The bond that has grown between us because of Harmony is incomparable to anything I have ever felt with any man, or person for that matter. I now look at children in a different way and I look at myself in a different way. I want to be the best mom/wife/person I can be. I want to be a role model for my children and I want to be someone my husband can always turn to and count on. This personal growth is really amazing considering where I came from - self loathing and self destruction. I knew pregnancy would change my life but I didn't think I would truly become a woman over the course of just 8 months.
Now that I am in my third trimester and my pregnancy is coming to an end I feel I have come full circle. From going through periods of fear and uncertainty to being so excited and ready for this miracle, I feel SO grateful that I was given this opportunity to become who I was supposed to be. I feel lucky that my relationship with my husband has grown into what it has and that I have had him for support this entire time. I also feel anticipation and excitement to meet my little girl who I love so much already and to grow up even more and watch her grow as well.
I hear a lot of women say that they hate being pregnant, and I went through that same feeling for a while, but I just cant honestly say I feel that way when it has done so much for me! It hasn't been easy - it can be downright painful/uncomfortable most of the time - but I wouldn't feel so proud of myself if it were easy!
All mothers should love themselves for creating a miracle and being a serious ass kicker!!!