Monday, June 17, 2013

Mama Monday

Happy Monday everyone! This weekend was so busy with Father's Day stuff that I couldn't get around to posting about June Boom! Week 2, but I will admit that last week wasn't as successful as Week 1. I still managed to eat semi-healthy, but I didn't have as much time to exercise because Harmony is just so unpredictable with her sleep/feed pattern right now! Better luck this week I hope!

Anyways...its Monday and so its time to reflect on being a mama :). 

This may seem kind of morbid to some people, but I have a bad habit of thinking about our short stay here on earth. I have always had a severe anxiety about death and dying. Since I got married I cant stop thinking about how our entire lifetime just isn't long enough to spend together. He is my best friend and I just don't ever want to think about the end. Now that there is another little person in our family, there is another person to worry about losing. I never imagined the kind of love I would have for this baby. She is my world! I hold her so tight and look at her all day with tears in my eyes. I can't imagine losing this girl. EVER.

5 years ago my older brother passed away. At that time I was so selfish with how I handled his death. I was 19 and just completely lost. I took my anger and devastation and turned it into a path of self destruction. I was selfish because how could I think that I was the only one affected by this loss? I knew my mother was upset of course, but I couldn't fathom the depth of her grief until now. Knowing how I feel about this beautiful child of mine, there is just no way I could have handled that loss as gracefully as my mother did. She deserved so much more love and support than I gave her and there isn't anything I can do or say to make it up to her. 

Being a mother has made me realize so much and has helped me mature in many ways. I think the realization that my parents love me the way I love Harmony is really the most important realization anyone can have when they have children. Our parents loved us this way. Wow...what an ungrateful little nightmare I was!! I hope I can show Harmony (and my husband) every day how important family is and the kind of love we have for each other is immeasurable. I also hope I can show my parents how grateful I am for the years of love and PATIENCE they showed me, because you never really know when it will be "too late"

California Adventure on Thursday

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