Its a small world and a real night out on the town!

On Tuesday we went to Disneyland with our friend Kim and Greg and their little boy Grayson. They just got passes so we just went for the evening. We took the little ones on It's a Small World and it was so much fun!!! She just looked at everything and took it all in and it was so funny to watch. She looked like she was completely beguiled. Grayson was so happy and I really liked seeing his reactions because he is already over a year old and I'm looking forward to when Harmony can react in that way. Right now its just shock and awe which is still really cute. I love going to Disneyland because it's a safe and fun environment to just walk around. Most of the time when we go we don't even go on rides, we just walk around for exercise. I could go every day and it would never get old! If we ever move away from here I will miss Disneyland the most (and In n Out!)

On Thursday night Chris and I went to go see X and the B-52's at the OC fair with my sister and her boyfriend. It was a lot of fun and it was really the first time I got to cut loose in a while. My sister volunteered to drive so I didn't have to worry about how much I had to drink and my mom and dad watched Harmony so I felt totally comfortable leaving her for a few hours. X is my favorite band and I have seen them around 13 times now. It was great to see them again and I always have a great time watching them. It was my second time seeing the B-52's but the first time I was very young so this was a treat. I totally didn't expect them to be so amazing but they really blew me away! I was dancing up a storm! I love getting to do things like that and I just feel really blessed that everything worked out and we were able to have a fantastic evening with no worries or problems. My mom and dad even said that Harmony was an absolute angel the whole evening and even soothed herself to sleep with no crying!!

Last night and today have been a different story though. Harmony is teething and she is very uncomfortable and whiny/fussy. I hope she isn't like this all day because I really want to take her and Chris to this awesome park I just discovered in our city! Heres to adventure everyone! Have an awesome weekend!!!

Sharing magical memories with daddy...






We ran into our cousin at the concert, so good to see him!

Mama Monday #5

I feel like this Mama Monday concept is kind of limiting my blogging. I want this blog to be about motherhood in general and so to make Monday the designated day to talk about being a mother makes me not able to talk about that throughout the week. From now on I am going to make Mama Monday a series of letters to my baby girl that she can read someday. I know this probably isn't the most interesting thing for other people to read (or maybe it is! I know I love to read sentimental posts like these) but this will allow me to write more freely later in the week. Many time I will think of something to write about on, say, a Wednesday, and think "well, I should wait until Mama Monday" and then by then I have too many things to potentially write about and I can't choose and I get too distracted.

Okay..I think you all get the point. HAPPY MONDAY EVERY ONE - Hope you all had a wonderful long holiday weekend.


Dear Harmony,

You are 12 weeks old today and I can't believe how much you have grown in such a short period of time. It still feels like I just had you, but you are already starting to outgrow your 3 month clothes! Every day I see more of your personality starting to show and it's really a thrill. You are so smiley! You smile as soon as you wake up in the morning all the way until it is bed time at night. I read to you every morning and you smile the entire time. As soon as you hear daddy's voice you smile so big your whole body shakes. I always want to remember you as this tiny little ball of happiness. I feel so lucky that I get to spend all day with you to make sure you are always happy and safe.

In the beginning, I was so tired and worried sick about everything. I couldn't find my confidence and I was so worried I wasn't doing it right! But as the weeks have gone on I have slowly been figuring things out - it also helps that you practically sleep through the night and started doing so at only 6 weeks!

I love to watch you sleep because you look so peaceful. I hope you always feel close enough with me to take naps together . You are starting to take less naps because you are so consumed with taking the world around you in that you don't want to miss out. I can totally relate to you there! There is so much world to see and you have only seen such a tiny part of it, it excites to me to imagine all of the places I will take you as you grow. You have also discovered your hands and have become quite fond of them. You love to suck and chew on them and you are starting to grab and hold things. you especially like you bunny blanket, I think she is your best friend. I call her your bun-bun, maybe you will too once you learn to talk. For now, you are making all sorts of adorable noises. You "talk" to me and your bun-bun off and on during the day, but when Daddy is around you talk non-stop! You love to carry on "conversations" with him and I love to watch you two interact. It makes my heart sing. YOU make my heart sing.

Speaking of singing, I have been singing to you every day since you were born. I first started singing "Dream A Little Dream of Me" right from your first day home and I sing it every day. Now when you are upset or fussy I sing that song and you calm down right away. It's the most amazing thing. This morning I sang "Edelweiss" and "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" and you were smiling and cooing like you wanted to join in. I hope someday you do!

I can go on forever about the things we have already shared together but I wont, I'll save more for later. I just love you so much and I cherish every second we have the privilege of sharing together. Oh! You just woke up! I better make sure you're okay. I love you lil momo

Love, mama

Mama Monday (on a Tuesday....woops!)

So I had a very busy Monday because my little one is going through a growth spurt and she wont let me leave her side for more than a few minutes so Im sneaking this in while she naps this morning! I read a very thoughtful article yesterday here and it really made me think about how I see myself.

Ever since I hit puberty when I was 12 I had issues with my weight. I was never a heavy person but I truly saw myself that way. I struggled with bulimia and anorexia off and on all through high school and into college. When I met my husband I was extremely sick and underweight. I barely ate anything and was participating in a plethora of unhealthy habits (smoking, drinking, etc.)

When we were dating I was so happy that I forgot all about that stuff and really started to enjoy life. Once I was pregnant we just decided to indulge and allow ourselves to gain as much weight as we wanted (he decided to do it with me so I wouldn't feel bad, what a sweetie!) and so I gained A LOT of weight. my metabolism was so messed up from the eating disorders that before I even got pregnant I had gained 30 pounds and then throughout my pregnancy I gained another 60. So, in one year I gained 90 pounds. (yes, my husband and I met got married and got pregnant all in one year, crazy I know) Now that my daughter is here I am (very) slowly losing the weight and I have to admit its been really hard on me.

Reading that article made me feel terrible! I should not be so worried about how I look. Harmony is going to see me for what I am, her loving mother. I dont ever want her to go through the things I went through and I realize that I am the first role model she is going to have. I want to show her that life is so much more than being thin. Being a mother has really opened my eyes to how I see myself. I look at pictures of me from before and see how thin I was and it is so sad to me because at that time I truly believed I looked fat. Now I look at myself in the mirror and I feel sexy, curvy, and beautiful. But every once in a while I see a picture that my husband took of me and I think "wow, I'm not sexy at all, I look HUGE!" Why do I do that to myself? It's almost like my brain is so used to thinking that way that I can't help it. I let a picture dictate how I feel when on most days I am feeling amazing! My confidence is higher than it ever has been in my life as well as my happiness.

I feel fulfilled on so many different levels, I don't even know that person who was starving before. I want my daughter to be strong and confident and full of self esteem (all of the things I lost when I hit puberty). I understand that puberty is a tough time for everyone and that most girls go through this at that age but I believe it is because of our society and our surroundings. I live in southern California and it is even more superficial here than other places in America. I have to start really focusing on what I say around her and to her. I need to make sure she is reading appropriate books and not watching too much television that would influence her negatively. I am a young mom, and when I was thinking about getting pregnant I didn't think about all of the things I would be worried about as a mom. I always thought I would be the "cool" mom and be super relaxed in my parenting style. Now that that time in my life is here, I see how much more important it is to be a positive role model as well as a friend. The things I went through in my adolescence were serious and life threatening and I dont just mean the eating problems. She is my creation and I have to stay strong for her above all else.

Sorry this is so long winded, I started with one idea and just got so wrapped up in my feelings. But, this is my blog and I choose to be personal. Women are beautiful and we run the world! Let's start believing that and showing our children what life is really about - family, happiness, truth, freedom - forget the outer candy coated shell.

Mama Monday #3

Happy Monday!! I have decided that there is just no way I can regularly post on the weekends. I am just too busy spending time with Chris and Harmony to be on the internet. So, onto Mama Monday!

This past week I have been thinking about all of these things that the internet and all of those new parenting books are telling us moms to do these days! There is so much pressure and stress put on new moms about how we should be taking care of our babies. First of all, I think all of the emphasis on interacting and stimulating your baby is a little excessive. Of course you shouldn't just ignore your baby all day, but every baby needs alone time to take everything in on their own terms. I know my parents weren't always entertaining me when I was a baby and I was an early walker, talker, and reader. Same with my husband and his parents. I read on Babycenter groups that I belong to about moms who are feeling guilty because they dont feel like they can provide enough entertainment for their babies all day long when babies are entertained on their own! Every single thing is a new experience to them, they dont need us constantly shoving toys in their faces! We are being told that if we don't interact and do these developmental activities with our babies they will be slow and stupid which is completely not true. These are all new philosophies that our parents and their parents before them didn't take part in and we are all fine! I think this is such a problem because new moms already have so much stress to deal with and all of this stuff just piles up and makes us feel guilty and inadequate and that is the last thing we need at this time in our lives. Follow your instincts. Babies do not get bored! If you continually entertain your baby they will think that is what they need and then they will grow up to be children that need entertainment. I admit in the beginning I felt I wasn't doing enough but my baby is hitting her developmental milestones right as she should be, so I want other moms out there to know YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! DONT STRESS ABOUT YOUR LEARNING BABY! Take time for you and get some food in your body! :) I know this post is probably a little all over the place so sorry about that. I just want to encourage moms to be themselves and take care of your baby the way that feels right to you and stop reading all of these articles that try and make you feel like a horrible mother! Your baby (and your brain!) will thank you.

Currently....

Reading:  Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison.  I probably should have read this book back in high school, but none of my teachers assigned it to me. I also should have finished it months ago since thats when I started reading it! I was given my copy from my favorite teacher my junior year and I never got around to reading it but I have been trying to read all the books I own before I buy anymore. I have quite the library already!! I've also been reading the classic children's books Are You My Mother? and Go Dog, Go! By P.D. Eastman to Harmony every day...she loves the pictures! She smiles every time I turn the page, too cute!

Listening to: Classical, classical, and more classical! Our local classical station here, KUSC, has been playing a special series this week called "The Magical Mystery Tour" and basically every hour they play 3 songs that have to do with a certain location in the world (although one hour they did the moon!) Listeners are encouraged to guess where the tour is at for that hour, it's really fun and interesting.

Working on: My very first first knitting project. I am attempting to knit some mary jane slippers in a really nice deep purple/burgundy color. I really hope they turn out right!

Thinking about: My growing daughter! She is 9 weeks this week and I just can't get over how big she seems already! All of the noises, smiles, and personality that comes from that girl just amazes me and I can't stop thinking about all of the fun times ahead.

Watching: Chris and I always end our day watching an episode or two of the series we are currently hooked on. Right now we are watching Arrested Development (he has never seen the whole thing!) so we can finally watch the 4th season. We are also watching Death Note which is my favorite anime and I have been begging him to watch it with me. We are half way through and he totally likes it just like I knew he would.

Loving: My life as a stay at home mom. I wasn't sure I would like it at first, but I'm really starting to get into a routine of sorts and I'm excited to get more productive in the weeks/months to come. I love being home with my baby and I also love that Chris gets to come home for lunch every day to spend some time with us! Of course, the weekends are my favorite :)

This post was inspired by Danielle at Sometimes Sweet

Mama Monday

Happy Monday everyoneI am going to be starting my own Mama Monday series where I will be discussing things that I have encountered/noticed and learned as a new mom watching this angel grow week by week! Here we go :)

One thing that I have been thinking about a lot lately is how Harmony sees me. Since I had the privilege of carrying her inside of me for 10 months, I already loved her the day we first met. She was the most beautiful and magical thing I have ever seen. Now, 8 weeks later, I am growing to love her more each day. The thing that I find strange is that I don't really know her. She is like a tiny little stranger living in my house that I am completely responsible for. I have no idea what type of person she will turn out to be or even really what kind of child she will be. She can't tell me what she likes and what she doesn't like or that she loves me. In fact, I don't think she does love me at all, she just knows I am the person that gives her food and is there to comfort her all day, every day. 

When Chris comes home from work she is like a different baby. She is smiley, makes all sorts of cute noises, and just loves to interact with her daddy. When I am alone with her all day I have to try so hard to get her to smile. Chris tells me its probably because she is just used to having me around, like I'm not a new fun face for her because we spend so much time together. I think a lot of new moms experience that feeling that their baby doesn't like them. I know I get that feeling a lot!! But when she is distressed and she is crying her head off, I am the only one who can calm her down and that feels pretty damn good. 

So, even though she doesn't know she loves me yet, I take solace in the fact that she does know she can trust me and her love will grow from there. Then, when the time is right, she will finally be able to tell me how much she loves me and all of this uncertainty and hard work will be so so worth it! I love this journey of motherhood already and I am so happy it is just beginning.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic...Did you every feel your baby didn't like you? Did you instantly feel a connection with your baby?